The Road to Redemption

I have wavered in my life decisions and faith since I was 18. 

The pressures of the wold; to rebel from the strict teachings my parents embedded into me since birth, was always weighing on my mind. 

I wanted to live the best of both worlds. 

I wanted a life where I made my family happy and believed in God. But I also wanted to try everything my family was trying to protect me from.

Everything God was protecting me from.

So I lived the life of a fence sitter. 

Never truly diving feet first into either lifestyles, but rather dipping my feet into both and seeing what happens. 

The seriousness of my actions never hit me until now.

For almost six years, God had been telling me to walk away from all  the destructive behaviours I so eagerly craved to do.

And like the stubbornness of Jonah, I kept saying NO. 

I knew the lifestyle I was living wasn't healthy. 

I knew I was called for a life in God.

But I was running away from pain and the world offered me solutions that seemed too good to resist.

Yet every time they failed, resulting in crushing heartbreak or illness, I would turn to God begging that he wouldn't forsake me. And every time, the same answer kept coming back, "I will never leave you".

Unfortunately, after a short time, I always ran back to the ways of the world. 

But despite all of my self destructive behaviours and lifestyle, God stayed true to His word. 
He never left me. 

I've never doubted God's existence, only his presence in my life. 

I always knew there was something keeping me here for a purpose greater than myself. 
And it wasn't just to be dragged down by the darkness of the world.

My journey to redemption wasn't easy. 
It was filled with much heartache and pain.
Closing doors on many people in my life and giving up controlling all my hopes and dreams. 
This required doing the one thing that goes against my entire fleshy being; taking a complete leap of faith in God. 

I don't know what my future holds, but what i do know is that since finally taking the full leap of faith, God has brought so much back into my life. 
There were so many days I would be crying, praying that God would fix the issues in my relationships or the paths I was walking down. But each time God would keep telling me the same thing "There's something better for you". 

In the moments I didn't want to believe it. 
I didn't want to accept that in order to receive the full blessings God had in store for my life, I was going to have to walk away from some of the people I loved. The people I thought I was going to build a life with.
Like Jesus' disciples, I was going to have to give up everything, and step out in faith to receive the greater life that was always destined for me.

And one week ago today, I did. 
I finally accepted that I couldn't keep living the life I had been cycling through, the last 6 years.
And so I walked away.
It was incredibly painful but it was the best decision God ever forced me to do.
Because within the last week, God's blessing and favour in my life has been incredibly overwhelming.
Too overwhelming! 
But all the fears I had one week ago, God has replaced with an incredible peace and has slowly turned my sadness into joy! 

One of Billy Graham's famous quotes is "God never takes away something from your life without replacing it with something better"

I truly Believe that when you take that leap of faith in God, even if it means walking away from a life you feel so connected to; He will reward your faith with a life greater than you could ever begin to imagine.
And I can honestly say, it is worth it!